Korrekturlesen LETTER OF MOTIVATION Englisch

Korrekturlesen LETTER OF MOTIVATION Englisch (10 Beiträge, 308 Mal gelesen)

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Hallo und guten Abend!

Ich sitze heute schon einige Zeit, da ich eine Bewerbung für ein Praktikum in einem Hotel in China verfasse. Habe Lebenslauf schon fertig u bin beim Letter of motivation ...

Da ich heute schon so viel gelesen hab u ich schon ziemlich durcheinander bin kommt mir schon alles richtig vor ...

LETTER OF MOTIVATION

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing with reference to the possibility of obtaining work experience within the front office department or the sales and marketing department of your hotel Hainan Kangle Garden.

I have completed my A-level at the Salzburg Tourism Schools Klessheim in 2005 and I currently study at the FHWien University of Applied Sciences of WKW business management in Vienna. In 5th term, all students attend a 15 weeks national or overseas work experience as this scheduled in the university curriculum. Personally, I would really like to be one of the students, who do their work experience overseas because foreign experience is very important for me and my life goals.

As you can see from my CV, I can offer a considerable amount of relevant work experience. In 2004 I worked in a famous five star hotel in the Caribbean for over 2 months and gained a lot of foreign experience. I really enjoyed my trainee programme in St. Lucia and when I went back to Austria I was sure, that this foreign traineeship was not my last in live. I have never been to China, so it would be a pleasure for me to work in our hotel as a management trainee. I am very familiar with a variety of computer software, including Excel, Microsoft Word and FrontPage. I have my own successful eBay shop for more than 3 years now and have very good skills in working with computers and on the internet on general. As your hotel provides an 18 hole golf course, I could assist at golf lessons or arrange some trial lessons for hotel guests, who are interested in trying to play some golf as well.

Additionally, I have excellent English language skills. In school, I went to the special English class, where I had more English lessons and did several projects like language studies in Cambridge. During my work experience in the Caribbean I learnt also a lot English, especially for the hotel business.

I am very keen to apply my skills and experience to your five star hotel in Hainan China, as my career goal is to become a project manager, who is responsible for opening new hotel resorts. I would be also very interested in the organisation of big events in the hotel business.
Therefore I am highly interested in the following tasks regarding the launch of new resorts and the marketing of new hotels:

• Discussion of hotel guests requirements in future
• Guest views: Motivation for booking a special hotel
• New trends in the hotel and tourism business

I am also especially interested in travelling abroad und get to know foreign countries. I have been on holiday in Miami, Cape Town or for example in Dubai and experienced different cultures and stayed in different hotels, where I had perfect opportunities to look into the hotel business. I experienced hotels as a guest and as a staff member.

I look forward to hearing from you and would welcome the opportunity to discuss my application in greater detail.

Yours sincerely,

NAMEN GELÖSCHT

Vielen Dank für eure Mühen ...

11.07.2007, 21:25 Uhr - Editiert von AVS, alte Version: hier

and I currently study at the FHWien University of Applied Sciences of WKW
business management in Vienna.

and I am currently studying WKW business management at the FH Wien of Applied Sciences in Vienna.
(Oder so - weiß net wie die heißt oder was du studierst. Aber progressive muss her.)

In 5th term, all students attend a 15 weeks national or overseas work
experience as this scheduled in the university curriculum.

the 5th term...
attended
15 week national or...
as this is scheduled (? evtl. required)

who do their work experience overseas because foreign experience is very
important for me and my life goals.

gather their work experience

was not my last in live

was not going to be the last of my life

in our hotel

your

I am very familiar with a variety of computer software, including Excel,
Microsoft Word and FrontPage. I have my own successful eBay shop for more than
3 years now and have very good skills in working with computers and on the
internet on general.

Abgesehen davon, dass das wohl niemanden beeindrucken wird (aber hinschreiben schadet ja nicht...), würde ich sagen: working with computers and the internet generally oder in general. (Aber nicht "on".)

During my work experience in the Caribbean I learnt also a lot English

Satzbau passt net...evtl: I also learnt a lot of English during my work experience in the Carribean. (learnt = UK, learned = US, musst dich entscheiden)

Discussion of hotel guests requirements in future

hotel guest requirements
oder
hotel guest's requirements

I am also especially interested in tr

Net scho wieder especially...das Wort experience kommt auch sehr oft vor.

Dieser Beitrag bezieht sich auf eine ältere Version des beantworteten Postings!

Merci, einige dieser Fehler hatte ich schon (habe auch in einem E Forum gepostet) ....
Aber bzgl:
hotel guest requirements
oder
hotel guest's requirements
RICHTIG is: hotel guests' requirements (wurde mir zumindest gesagt)

Jedenfalls vielen Dank

RICHTIG is: hotel guests' requirements (wurde mir zumindest gesagt)

Stimmt, da habe ich mich geirrt.

I have my own successful eBay shop for more than 3 years now

Ob es so gescheit ist in ein Motivationsschreiben eines Praktikanten/Trainees zu schreiben, dass man nicht vor hat seine gesamte Arbeitsleistung der Firma zur Verfügung zu stellen?

Bevor ich mich da durchkämpfe, zwei Sachen:

Warum schreibst du "ich" immer groß?

Mit Beistrichen im Englischen verhält es sich immer so: if in doubt leave it out.
--
Ich blicke der Gefahr ins Auge und lache ihr ins Gesicht,
dann verstecke ich mich und warte, bis sie weg ist.

Wie, warum schreibe ich "ICH" immer groß?

Nur zwei kurze Anmerkungen nach flüchtigem Durchschauen. Besonders aufgefallen ist mir folgendes (ich bin sicher, der Korrektur der Englischfehler nehmen sich andere an):

Personally, I would really like to be one of the students, who do their work experience overseas because foreign experience is very important for me and my life goals.

Um in Anlehnung an Kennedy zu sprechen: Don't ask what your job can do for you, ask what you can do for your job. Dass Auslandserfahrung wichtig für dich und deine weitere Karriere- bzw. Lebensplanung ist, ist ja nett, aber nichts, was einen künftigen Arbeitgeber interessiert. Ich würde das weglassen und mich mehr darauf konzentrieren, was du deinem Arbeitgeber bieten kannst (was du im weiteren Verlauf eh tust).

Additionally, I have excellent English language skills.

Also wenn man sowas schreibt, dann sollte zumindest nicht gleich das Bewerbungsschreiben selbst diesen Satz als Hochstapelei (oder gesunde Selbstüberschätzung

) entlarven.

mfg
matrix

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